An actual thing that is happening: Megadeth is upset with Men's Wearhouse

Dave Mustaine is the lead singer of Megadeth, the band known for hits such as ""Killing Is My Business..and Business Is Good", "Anarchy in the UK", and "Moto Psycho".  Dave has something to say to everyone about the pressing social issue of (shakes magic 8-ball)...not getting gift certificates delivered on time from Men's Wearhouse!  Serious business.

Droogies,

Hang on hang on pause.  So everyone is clear: Droogies is actually what Megadeth fans are called, I guess, and it's a term derived from what the main characters of "A Clockwork Orange" call themselves.  We are dealing with some intense folks at this time.

I know that not all of you have the kind of job that requires a suit, or wear a suit when you (if you) go to any kind of faith-based service, court date, wedding or funeral, but if you do…you are going to want to read this. You know me, I don’t complain much in writing, but I gotta get this off my chest.

Dave Mustaine doesn't often use his bully pulpit, so when he goes on Facebook to talk about serious things yall damn well better listen up.

A few days before Christmas I purchased a gift certificate from the Men’s Warehouse in Salt Lake City, Utah as a gift for our awesome tour manager Jim Carroccio. You know the Men’s Warehouse…the old geezer with the voice that sound like he has chain-smoked since he was a fetus; 

teehee he said fetus

the one that espouses, “I absolutely guarantee you’re gonna like the way you look,” or some manure like that, right?

Oooh, Dave's pulling out all of his SAT words for this and saying "manure" to avoid using profanity!  Sadly, I don't think the word "espouses" means what he thinks it means.

So close, Dave.

Well, I was talking to Jim today and wondering why he didn’t say anything (I think we all wonder sometimes when our loved ones or friends get gifts if they actually like them) 

OMG you guys, lead singers of thrash bands have the same holiday insecurities as us normal people!  I've personally managed to avoid this insecurity by only giving the most terrible, unlikable gifts possible so I never have to wonder if someone likes them.

and it turns out that they decided to hold my order, otherwise called by them as “pending,” and told no one. For almost 9 days now I have been waiting for delivery of this gift certificate, and I wouldn’t say anything because it IS the holidays, 

You clearly would say something!  You are saying it right now!  It's not even hypothetical! 

but these salesmen promised that they would GUARANTEE a two-day delivery of the certificate to Jim (it seems they throw this word GUARANTEE around quite a lot).

Salesmen, lying?  My word.  What will Jim, the tour manager for a thrash band, wear if he can't get his suit on time?

So, we called and asked what happened and they have no explanation whatsoever, they didn’t care, and when we asked if they were going to do anything to remedy this, they made no effort whatsoever for this mix-up…although they did promise me the same GUARANTEE that they gave me when I bought it; that is that they will send it “two-day delivery,” but I already was promised this. Maybe they mean 12 day delivery.

Dave, as the lead singer for a successful band, I'm guessing you don't deal with customer service at large companies often, but this is pretty common.  Cheer up, though--I got you a commemorative pillow to celebrate the occasion of you discovering this!

If a delay of several days is this bad for you, I can't even imagine the rude awakening your headed for when you want to dispute a cell phone bill.

I really think that it sucks when people make false claims, that they don’t care to make good on a problem that is clearly their fault, and with all of the “ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEE IT” crap I just had to say something. We are all living in very tight financial times right now, 

Are all of us living in hard times, Mr. My Band Has Sold A Whole Shit-ton of Albums?

and like I said, you may not wear a suit for your job or for an event or occasion, but if you do, I would strongly recommend you wear someone else’s suits. Go to Jos. A Bank instead. 

but but but what if Jos. A Bank lied to customers ever?  Would they also be worthy of the Dave Mustaine Megadeth Official Seal of Boycottery?

I for one, will never set foot in a Men’s Warehouse, even for shelter from a blizzard.

Way to take a brave stand, Dave.