Tuesday, June 11, 2013

BeerGraphs, a blog about beer (duh)

Hello internetters!  Regular readers (Hi Mom!) may have noticed that I've been posting less here than usual.  There is a reason for that: I'm lazy.  However, I have an excuse in this case: I'm writing for another blog called BeerGraphs!  If you're into beer (and to a lesser extent, statistics and such), you should check it out!

Monday, June 3, 2013

Erick Erickson wants everyone to know that he is definitely not mean

Indeed, he wants everyone to know that he's not mean at all, just a harsh truth-teller.  As you may have seen, Erick Erickson recently came out and informed everyone that women were better stay-at-home parents than men, because of science, apparently.

Now, my first reaction, and probably yours as well, is that Erick Erickson must have grown up in a difficult area where the only source of food was an endless supply of baby seals that had to be clubbed to feed the family, and his mother just lacked the fortitude needed to perform such a vicious act. 

So, uh, right.  Anyway.  Point is, Erick has become aware that people are upset by this, so he has considered his position and issued a sincere apolo--haha, nope, he's just decided to write an extensive article regarding 1) why he's right and 2) why he's not mean.  Apparently, a guy who insinuates that women are unable to keep up in the workplace (and, conversely, that men are ill-suited for solo parenting) is really desperate for our approval.  Let's see what he has to say!

The Truth May Hurt, But Is Not Mean

I feel the need to add to this post as it is obvious a lot of people take up this topic with some heavily preconceived notions and biases.

Hey, I agree!  People are really biased about things like this, which sometimes leads to them making offensive statements.  Really finding some great common ground here.

I am shocked to learn I think women cannot be breadwinners.

So was I!  Now that you've noticed how silly that is, have you reconsidered anything?

That is what the left says, but it is not so.

That darn LEFT.  Every time!

Even now I am getting beaten up for suggesting women should stay home with their kids. While I think it is preferable, I also know it is often impossible. I know from first hand experience.

I really find it incredible that someone can look at a veritable mob of people that disagree with them, see all of the various reasons why they might disagree and circumstances that might differ for every single person, and then say, "Whaaaaaat?  I did it, so why can't you?"  The term "first-hand experience" should appear in a piece like this roughly, oh, nowhere.

Prior to having kids, Christy and I both worked. Once we had our first child and I was making a full time go of RedState, Christy had to work if we were to have insurance. Frankly, we could not make ends meet on my salary alone and, even after the cost of day care, had to have the remainder of Christy’s salary to help make ends meet. We still struggled.

What an interesting personal story that has nothing at all to do with whether women being primary breadwinners is a problem.  This is the equivalent of a child bursting into tears when he gets in trouble so that you'll feel sorry for him (luckily, I personally don't feel sympathy for children, so I have no problem with telling them or Erick that they can just fuck right off with the sob story).

At one point I had to contemplate being a single dad, but thank God I did not have to be.

See, Erick, this is where all the actual single dads stopped reading.  "Thank God I was saved from being one of those!  Single dadhood would have sucked, right?"

When we made the decision that Christy would stay home with the kids, we did so contemplating I would have to get one or more additional jobs in order for her to do it. God truly blessed us in how he arranged it, but we had made the decision to make the leap to her being a stay at home before those blessings even arrived.

You keep saying we and then telling us something that she did.  And then you said that "God truly blessed us" as if it was something he did, as opposed to your wife agreeing to stay home with the kids because your sorry ass clearly didn't want to.

I work three jobs rather constantly, but am fortunate to do most of it from home.

Like I give a fuck.  You're a commenter on Fox--I'm sure you'll be just fine.

All of this is to say there are many people who’ve heard what I said and think I’m judging them.

What?  All of that was to say that you have it hard and God helped by making your wife stay home or some such bullshit.

I am not.

lol ok

In my own family we’ve been there and struggled. But just because the world has moved on and seems to think the two parent nuclear household with a stay at home mom is no longer necessary or useful does not make it so. 

Evidence for your position: one anecdote you told that is maybe kind of related at best
Evidence against your position: pretty much all of the other things

Ladies, if you want to work that’s fine.

Ladies, make sure you thank Erick for so kindly granting you permission to work.

If your position in life makes it advantageous for you to be the primary bread winner, that’s fine. But your individual circumstances and mine should not hide the fact that there is an ideal and optimal family arrangement whether we in our own lives can meet it.

"It's totally OK to go with whatever arrangement you personally think works best for you!  Just so you know, all the other ones other than mine are wrong, though.  If you're OK with wrong, then that's totally fine!"

Having said all that, now on to the main point wherein all the controversy lies. . . .

Many feminist and emo lefties have their panties in a wad over my statements in the past 24 hours about families.

Gosh, I just can't imagine you saying something that would bother people.  Also, I'm not sure you know what "emo" is.

I said, in a statement reflecting the view of three quarters of those surveyed in a Pew Research Center poll, that more women being the primary or sole breadwinners in families is harmful to raising children. This result came from a survey that found “nearly four in 10 families with children under the age of 18 are now headed by women who are the sole or primary breadwinners for their families.”

The facts you have presented here are that nearly four in ten families now rely on a woman as the primary breadwinner and that many people are concerned by this.  None of that is evidence that your statement is accurate, it's just evidence that a lot of people agree with you.  Also, the specific wording in the study was "Three-fourths of those surveyed say these mothers make raising children harder."  I'm sure some of those people agree with your reasoning, but it's entirely possible that if you asked a stay-at-home dad if raising children was harder when his wife worked full-time, he'd be like, "Well, duh."  Making sweeping conclusions based on a single question from a single survey won't always work out well for you. 

I also noted that the left, which tells us all the time we’re just another animal in the animal kingdom,

The LEFT strikes again!

is rather anti-science when it comes to this. In many, many animal species, the male and female of the species play complementary roles, with the male dominant in strength and protection and the female dominant in nurture.

And in others, the male is the primary caregiver for the offspring.  In others, the female is the stronger protector in the family.  In yet others, a single female is dominant over thousands and thousands of subordinates.  Nature is weird as hell and it's kinda bizarre to say, "Well, look at those animals!  We should emulate them when it comes to deciding which member of the family physically fights to defend the family goes out to earn green pieces of paper that we trade for goods and services."

It’s the female who tames the male beast.*

*Except in lots of cases, such as:

One notable exception is the lion, where the male lion looks flashy but behaves mostly like a lazy beta-male MSNBC producer.

If you're trying to argue that animals all follow some universal family structure, you're going to find that about all of the species are exceptions.  I did enjoy the amount of shade you're throwing at MSNBC there.

In modern society we are not supposed to say such things about child rearing and families. In modern society we are not supposed to point out that children in a two-parent heterosexual nuclear household have a better chance at long term success in life than others. In modern society, we are supposed to applaud feminists who teach women they can have it all — that there is no gender identifying role and women can fulfill the role of husbands and fathers just as men do.

Erick is strongly implying that he is really just a bold, outspoken rebel who is willing to stand against the tide of...people telling women they can be successful in ways of their choosing, I guess. 

This does not mean the two-parent, heterosexual nuclear household will always work out for the best. But it does mean children in that environment will more often than not be more successful than children of single parents or gay parents.

When did gay parents enter this discussion?  It seems like someone who's so insistent on there being a mother in the house would love the idea of having two mothers, though I suppose the other way around might be an issue for Erick.  Anyway, if we follow his previous logic, we can always look to the animal kingdom for evidence as to whether there's a problem with gay parents, right?

Feminists and politicians on both sides of the aisle view these statements as insulting to single moms and antithetical to their support for gay marriage. What should be insulting to single moms is for society to tell them they can do it all and, in fact, will subsidize their doing it all. 

"Single moms have a really difficult time, because we insult them by offering assistance."

I know a number of wonderful, nurturing single mothers. They do as best they can. Most of them have wonderful children. But not one of them prefers to be a single mother.

Life is terribly unfair. Sometimes a parent dies. Sometimes a parent is an abusive ass. There are unfortunate exceptions. But we should not kid ourselves or scream so loudly in politically correct outrage to drown the truth — kids most likely will do best in households where they have a mom at home nurturing them while dad is out bringing home the bacon.

Erick spends several paragraphs talking about how being a single mom is difficult, all of which is somehow evidence that in a two-parent home, mothers should stay in the home and fathers should work.  Being a single parent certainly is tough, but that has little bearing on Erick's point about which parents should stay home.

As a society, once we moved past that basic recognition, we’ve been on a downward trajectory of more and more broken homes and maladjusted youth.  Pro-science liberals seem to think basic nature and biology do not apply to Homo sapiens.

Men can behave like women, women can behave like men, they can raise their kids, if they have them, in any way they see fit, and everything will turn out fine

Sounds great!

in the liberal fantasy world.

Erick's problem is that his version of "liberal fantasy world" sounds awesome.  Well, that and all the other problems.  Still, I have to say, he's really convinced me of some things--admittedly, they're all probably the opposite of what he was hoping to convince his readers of, but still!

Friday, May 17, 2013

Good: There are fewer fire ants in the US now! Bad: Replaced by "Crazy Ants"

Source: University of Texas

I guess it's natural to wonder if you're adopted but come on

Slate.com has a frequent advice column written by Emily Yoffe.  This column frequently runs somewhat absurd questions, but today's really takes the cake:

Rob Ford caught smoking crack on tape, his lawyer takes "deny everything" strategy to the next level

The headline about covers it on this one.  Someone taped Toronto mayor Rob Ford smoking crack and is now selling it to the highest bidder (for some reason, there is a crowdfunded group attempting to buy it--actually, scratch that, there are at least five crowdfunded groups trying to buy it.  Getting pretty tired of your shit, Indiegogo).  At this point a number of journalists have seen and publicized the video, though the video itself remains unreleased.  Rob Ford's lawyer responded to the allegations, wondering, "How can you indicate what the person is actually doing or smoking?"  Apparently not recognizing the inanity of this line of thinking, he went on to ask, "Truly, what is reality?  Does each of us not create our understanding of the world around us on a moment-to-moment basis, crafting a tapestry of perception that is unique to our own experience?"

Now, I have no clear evidence either way.  I just want to ask one question: does the gif below depict the actions of a man who is not on crack?  I rest my case.

If your desire for bizarre Rob Ford moments continues unabated, you may view a full list here.

Monday, April 29, 2013

But what if I want my lips to look like human lips

I don't often stop and notice Internet ads.  I'd say I'm pretty well inoculated to the shock images that advertisers use to try and draw clicks; after all, once you've seen a crazed zombie woman with extremely bright blue eyes offering you a free credit score, there's not much that will surprise you.  That said, what in God's name is this bullshit?
Are they molding?  Is that person just really bad at using cocaine correctly?  I can't disagree with the claim that the "definition and outline" are pretty good (and that is a fantastic philtrum), but "healthy appearance" is a stretch. 

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Icelanders now safe from incest, thanks to apps

That's correct.  There is now an app that allows Icelanders to bump their phones before sleeping with someone, and if they are too closely related, an "incest alarm" will sound.  Oddly enough, this is actually quite useful, as basically everyone in Iceland is related in some way, apparently.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Slate covers all angles of the story

Here is a headline from Slate today:

So, we should watch out for conspiracies surrounding this event, then.  Except, here's another headline from Slate today:

So, it'll either be rampant conspiracies, or the conspiracy theorists (can we just call them conspirators?  Guess that's not quite right...maybe "conspirists" then?) will have a tough go of it.  Maybe it'll be a tough time, but they'll persevere and find ways to piss everyone off with shitty theories about the government.  For what it's worth, Alex Jones (who else?) is already way ahead in the race to be the biggest asshole in the entire goddamn world following a tragedy:

Alex Jones is the fucking worst.  In any case, looks like headline #1 might be closer to the truth.

One, two, three, Science!

Continuing to boldly explore the far reaches of human understanding, scientists today have discovered that...tasting beer makes you want more beer.  Maybe.  Ta fucking da, y'all!

Monday, April 15, 2013

Fucking IRS, how do they work

Trying to figure out what purchases can be legally deducted for your business?  Confused as to how the IRS defines the terms "computer" and "peripheral equipment"?  Here, check the tax code:

Well then.  Thanks, OBAMA

LeBron James not satisfied with domination of the sport of basketball, now seeks to become successful meteorologist

Below is an actual report from the National Weather Service, documenting both LeBron James' first foray into weather reporting and the first time Instagram has been used for anything useful whatsoever:

 Source: The New England Sports Network, for some reason

Friday, April 12, 2013

Neil Young has a blog where he tells us about his dreams and you should read it

I highly suggest that you just go to the site and read it there, but here's an excerpt from his most recent entry in case the mere fact that Neil Young has a dream blog wasn't enough to draw you in.  This entry is titled "Dream Five: Medieval Kineval: Part 1".

Howdy squirrels!

Just so you're aware, Neil Young does not actually think his readers are squirrels--he just refers to them as such.  In fact, much about his blog reflects a bit of an obsession with squirrels--for example, the blog is described as shown here:

Also, the first few posts reflect both an interest in squirrels and a great deal of unfamiliarity with how an internet blog works:

Carry on.

Hope that last dream didn’t get you too hungry for some cotton candy – LOL! 

The last dream was about Neil Young and Elvis Costello being kidnapped by circus performers and nearly killed by being shot out of cannons. Luckily, Neil remembered that he was a wizard in the nick of time and was able to use his magic to save them.  I am not making any of this up.

Speakin’ of eating, I sure do love a great meal. Course, Pegi makes the best grub out of anyone. Love you Pegi!

Every now and then, I like to take a trek to a restaurant and grab a bite or two, usually when Peg’s outta town. Not too long ago the wife was out and about, so I called one of my best buds, Dave Grohl to see if he wanted to chow down.

I have no idea if this setup for the dream is true or not, but the idea that Neil Young and Dave Grohl are best buds makes me happy, so let's assume this is all factual so far.  Oh, and guess where Neil and Dave like to eat when they go out:

Dave was more than happy to meet up, and it just so happened I was in his neck of the woods in SoCal. Dave then asked me where I wanted to meet up.
I suggested The Medieval Times in Buena Vista. You know, the spot where you get to dress up like a king and grub on turkey legs? Dave thought it sounded like a swell idea and we both headed over. What a great guy. Hey Dave!

Of course Dave Grohl and Neil Young go to Medieval Times to eat.  FYI, this is not yet part of the dream; it's just a setup for the dream, which occurs when Neil passes out at Medieval Times.  Seriously!

We got to Medieval Times and were seated right in front of the jousting arena. So cool! Before the excitement began, we ordered our dishes. Dave, always the health- conscious dude, got a green salad and a glass of red wine. Me, I pulled a regular Brian Wilson. 8 turkey legs and 5 goblets of non-alcoholic mead later, I was feeling pretty wild.

“You all right Neil?” Dave asked. I must’ve looked pretty pale.
“I’ll… be… fine…” Holy Toledo! I felt like Frosty The Snowman at a 4th O’ July shindig. Couldn’t spill the beans and let Dave know I wasn’t feeling well though. I didn’t want to ruin the evening!
“Neil, you look kind of sick. Come on, let me get you some antacid or something!”

I belched. “I’m fine… I just…” There must have been a truckload of tryptophan in those legs, squirrels, cause next I knew I was laid out on the floor and feeling pretty sleepy…

So, Neil Young is passed out on the floor at a restaurant / joust, and now will tell us about the dream he had there.  Proponents of the theory that there are an infinite number of parallel universes in which every possible eventuality is true in at least one universe could cite this as proof that we live in one of the more outlandish and unlikely ones.  Anyway, here's the part where we learn about Neil Young's dreams after he's had five goblets of allegedly non-alcoholic mead:

I slowly opened my eyes. I looked around and saw a bustling village setting. This was no Buena Vista! I gathered myself and dusted off my clothes. What the hell was I wearing! It looked to be I had on leather boots, green tights, and a tunic with a light layer of chain mail over it. I felt my hip and sure enough there was a sword at my side. What was I? Some kind of warrior? Cortez came outta nowhere and landed on my arm. He sure was a sight for sore eyes.

It may help the unfamiliar reader to know that Cortez is the name of a dragon that appears in many of Neil's dreams.

“Excuse me, kind sir.” He had a familiar whisper to his voice. “Would thou have a pence to spare on a poor soul such as I?”

I felt around in my pocket. Nothing.

“Sorry, sir, all I have is the shirt on my back and the crow on my shoulder.”

The old man chuckled. What the heck? “Check again,” he mumbled.

I dug into my pocket yet again. Holy Mama Cass! There was a huge mound of gold coins!

The beggar laughed and removed his hood. It was Tom! That trickster got me again!

“Neil,” he said lighting a stogie, “I’ll cut to the chase. We’re in Medieval Europe. There’s trouble brewing, and you’re the guy this kingdom needs. King Robert, well, you’ll be in his court soon. You’ll be needing this -” Tom handed me a beautiful wooden lute. It had “N” and “Y” carved into it. Beautiful.

Neil Young is a famous musician, even in his dreams.

“What kind of trouble are we talking about, Tom? Fair maidens in peril? Barbarian attacks?”

Tom took a drag and then put it out on his shoe. “I’ll tell you what. Stick by that lute and I promise you’ll be fine. Oh, and you may be needing this.” Tom then handed me a small vile. “From the Doc.” He nodded. “Only use it if you come to a battle of… spells and fantasy.”

I nodded. Tom meant business. “We heading to the castle, then? Lead the way!”

“Dave should be here any minute to take you there. Yours truly is heading to the pub. Medieval grog may be about as lethal as drinking petrol, but you only go around once.”

“Dave? Dave Crosby? Dave Matthews? Come on, Tom!”

"I know far too many musicians named Dave, now that I think about it."

Suddenly, a knightly looking figure riding atop a steed came into sight. It was Dave Grohl, my dinner date! Here he was, all in plated armor and a sword just like Aragorn’s!

Dave’s horse whinnied as they stalled, “Easy, Providence!” The horse calmed. “Sir Neil! You’ve arrived!”

I couldn’t believe it. “Dave, this is gonna sound kooky, but I think our ‘real’ world experiences leaked into my unconscious! You know, me passing out at Medieval Times brought us both here!”

I'll leave off my commentary at this point, since there's really not much I can add to the brilliance of Neil's dreams.  Thus far we have determined that Neil Young is a lucid dreamer, who is aware that he is dreaming, but still seems breathlessly excited to go on a medieval adventure with Dave Grohl.  Can't blame him, really.  As some of you may have noticed, the story up to here sounds somewhat like the plot to the movie Black Knight, but I assure you that the remainder is in no way derivative.  Go read it