Monday, December 10, 2012

Do you need a gift for someone from Baltimore that you hate?

If so, you're in luck, since Sears is presently having a sale on their "Little Earth Baltimore Ravens Quilted Hobo Handbag".  I had to check and make sure that "hobo handbag" was a real thing and not something that some jilted intern decided to put on Sears' website as a terribly misguided prank, which led to me discovering that it is a real thing, apparently.  In fact, it is a real thing about 3,470,000 times over, according to a google search.

I did not expect Nine West and Eddie Bauer to be retailing any items named for hobos.  Who thought this was a good idea?
 In any case, here's the Ravens' Quilted Hobo Handbag in all its glory:

Anyone else reminded of the inside of their middle school lunchbox?  If this thing keeps beer cold it might actually be useful.
At just $28.49 (Savings applied in cart), that's a steal, for at least one party in the buyer-seller relationship.  If you weren't sold immediately on seeing the bag, the description has a wealth of information, which will certainly be interesting for a given value of interesting.

Littlearth's Quilted Collection is the perfect bag for the astute sports fan. 

If you are not a sports fan who is able to accurately assess situations or people and use that to your advantage, this isn't the perfect bag for you.

This Quilted Hobo measures 10 inches long x 5 inches wide x 8.5 inches high and has an 8.5 inch drop length faux leather handle. 

You forgot to say handbag.  Handbag is an important word in that sentence.

Features rich satin-like quilting sure to catch the eye of passersby. 

I can't disagree with that.  Passersby will be sure to notice the violently shiny purple bag, even at great distances.

Displays embroidered applique of favorite team logo in bottom front right of bag. 

Clearly, there was no time to put the individual team name into the product description.  Also, the logo looks dead center to me.

Zipper closure at top of bag keeps belongings secure. 

I rewrote this sentence to improve clarity:  "Bag has a zipper."

Interior has a zippered side pocket to keep small belongings accessible. 

Oh, sorry.  "Bag has two zippers."

This beautifully quilted Hobo is a must see and is sure to be the essential accessory for the incisive fan. 

You forgot to say handbag again.  Also, you are claiming that this bag is the essential accessory for the intelligently analytical and clear-thinking fan.  What the fuck, Sears? 

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