Source: HuffPo
Showing posts with label goddammit Florida. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goddammit Florida. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Let's check in with Florida
NICEVILLE – A man is accused of disposing of a marijuana cigarette into Rocky Bayou after being told not to by a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation officer.
DESTIN – A man who was catching and keeping Spanish mackerel without measuring them was cited after he dumped them in the water to escape scrutiny, according to a report. When the officer confronted the man, he opened the backpack and dumped the fish into the water.
DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — A woman claiming to be God doused her car with gasoline and lit it on fire at a BP gas station in Daytona Beach, police said.
DESTIN – A man who was catching and keeping Spanish mackerel without measuring them was cited after he dumped them in the water to escape scrutiny, according to a report. When the officer confronted the man, he opened the backpack and dumped the fish into the water.
DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — A woman claiming to be God doused her car with gasoline and lit it on fire at a BP gas station in Daytona Beach, police said.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Floridians know how to get arrested in style
Nwfdailynews.com reports that a Florida man has been arrested for resisting an officer without violence. This being Florida, there is of course much more to the story than that. And by much more, I mean cocaine. Take a look; I've helpfully illustrated the story here. The headline is a bit of a spoiler, but what can you do.
CRESTVIEW – A 21-year-old man who told officers he loved cocaine and needed more cocaine was arrested after he was caught running naked through an apartment complex.
On Feb. 24 the Crestview Police Department received numerous reports from Bel-Aire Apartments about a man running naked and yelling through the complex. At one point he tried to get into a car of a woman and her young child.
When lawmen arrived the man, now wearing pajama pants, leaped onto the hood of the patrol car and wouldn’t get down until ordered. He lay down on the grass nearby, where he made several comments about loving cocaine and needing more cocaine.
Then, he got up and tried to run away. When the officer ordered him to stop, he ran back toward the officer and dove head-first in a slide to the officer. The officer tried to handcuff him but he got away. The officer gave chase.
The man was Tased but when the charge ended, he tried to run away and
received a second jolt from the Taser. At that point the man took off
his pajama pants and was naked again.
“Statements from the defendant were not possible as he would only state he loved cocaine and needed more cocaine,” the officer wrote in the arrest report.
The man was charged with resisting an officer without violence. His court date is March 26.
Yes, follow your dreams, Florida man. Except maybe don't follow the ones where you are naked, high on cocaine, yelling, and running through an apartment complex telling police about how much you love cocaine. Those ones will lead you astray.
CRESTVIEW – A 21-year-old man who told officers he loved cocaine and needed more cocaine was arrested after he was caught running naked through an apartment complex.
On Feb. 24 the Crestview Police Department received numerous reports from Bel-Aire Apartments about a man running naked and yelling through the complex. At one point he tried to get into a car of a woman and her young child.
When lawmen arrived the man, now wearing pajama pants, leaped onto the hood of the patrol car and wouldn’t get down until ordered. He lay down on the grass nearby, where he made several comments about loving cocaine and needing more cocaine.
Then, he got up and tried to run away. When the officer ordered him to stop, he ran back toward the officer and dove head-first in a slide to the officer. The officer tried to handcuff him but he got away. The officer gave chase.
“Statements from the defendant were not possible as he would only state he loved cocaine and needed more cocaine,” the officer wrote in the arrest report.
The man was charged with resisting an officer without violence. His court date is March 26.
Yes, follow your dreams, Florida man. Except maybe don't follow the ones where you are naked, high on cocaine, yelling, and running through an apartment complex telling police about how much you love cocaine. Those ones will lead you astray.
Monday, February 11, 2013
A Twitter feed for Monday: Florida Man is the superhero Florida deserves
It's not uncommon to see "Florida Man" in headlines, because men in Florida are terrible at not doing insanely dumb things. Now, the _FloridaMan twitter feed compiles the best examples of these into a single fatally flawed superhero. Maybe there's a little Florida Man in all of us.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Oh come on Florida, keep your bears in check
Apparently in Florida, people just keep grizzly bear cubs around, because Florida. I guess they need to protect themselves from gator attacks or something. Of course, occasionally they escape, and that's a problem:
Yes, what should we do if we run into a bear cub? This seems like useful information.
Yes, what should we do if we run into a bear cub? This seems like useful information.
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| Uhh...I hope you're right. The use of the word "likely" in the last sentence is not a real confidence booster. |
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Whatever happened to "don't be evil", right?
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| It's donkey moonwalking. I dunno. |
And now for a bonus game of "guess what state this happened in". Difficulty level of this round: it's obviously Florida.
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| This writer seems unreasonably judgmental. Can't say I blame her, but still. |
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