Rob Ford caught smoking crack on tape, his lawyer takes "deny everything" strategy to the next level

The headline about covers it on this one.  Someone taped Toronto mayor Rob Ford smoking crack and is now selling it to the highest bidder (for some reason, there is a crowdfunded group attempting to buy it--actually, scratch that, there are at least five crowdfunded groups trying to buy it.  Getting pretty tired of your shit, Indiegogo).  At this point a number of journalists have seen and publicized the video, though the video itself remains unreleased.  Rob Ford's lawyer responded to the allegations, wondering, "How can you indicate what the person is actually doing or smoking?"  Apparently not recognizing the inanity of this line of thinking, he went on to ask, "Truly, what is reality?  Does each of us not create our understanding of the world around us on a moment-to-moment basis, crafting a tapestry of perception that is unique to our own experience?"

Now, I have no clear evidence either way.  I just want to ask one question: does the gif below depict the actions of a man who is not on crack?  I rest my case.

If your desire for bizarre Rob Ford moments continues unabated, you may view a full list here.

But what if I want my lips to look like human lips

I don't often stop and notice Internet ads.  I'd say I'm pretty well inoculated to the shock images that advertisers use to try and draw clicks; after all, once you've seen a crazed zombie woman with extremely bright blue eyes offering you a free credit score, there's not much that will surprise you.  That said, what in God's name is this bullshit?

Are they molding?  Is that person just really bad at using cocaine correctly?  I can't disagree with the claim that the "definition and outline" are pretty good (and that is a fantastic philtrum), but "healthy appearance" is a stretch. 

Floridians know how to get arrested in style

Nwfdailynews.com reports that a Florida man has been arrested for resisting an officer without violence.  This being Florida, there is of course much more to the story than that.  And by much more, I mean cocaine.  Take a look; I've helpfully illustrated the story here.  The headline is a bit of a spoiler, but what can you do.

CRESTVIEW – A 21-year-old man who told officers he loved cocaine and needed more cocaine was arrested after he was caught running naked through an apartment complex.

On Feb. 24 the Crestview Police Department received numerous reports from Bel-Aire Apartments about a man running naked and yelling through the complex. At one point he tried to get into a car of a woman and her young child. 

When lawmen arrived the man, now wearing pajama pants, leaped onto the hood of the patrol car and wouldn’t get down until ordered. He lay down on the grass nearby, where he made several comments about loving cocaine and needing more cocaine.

Then, he got up and tried to run away. When the officer ordered him to stop, he ran back toward the officer and dove head-first in a slide to the officer. The officer tried to handcuff him but he got away. The officer gave chase.

 The man was Tased but when the charge ended, he tried to run away and received a second jolt from the Taser. At that point the man took off his pajama pants and was naked again.

“Statements from the defendant were not possible as he would only state he loved cocaine and needed more cocaine,” the officer wrote in the arrest report.

The man was charged with resisting an officer without violence. His court date is March 26.

Yes, follow your dreams, Florida man.  Except maybe don't follow the ones where you are naked, high on cocaine, yelling, and running through an apartment complex telling police about how much you love cocaine.  Those ones will lead you astray.