Their conclusion: it's better for pilots to fart than not fart. For safety! Seriously, this is a thing people are studying, right now. They probably earn more than you do!
team of Danish and British gastroenterologists produced a paper on
flatulence on planes after one of them, Jacob Rosenberg, was inspired on
a flight between Copenhagen and Tokyo.
The problem is that farting is an invariable consequence of digestion and people do it about 10 times a day.
Was there a need for that Wikipedia link? Pretty sure people have figured out what that word means.
Christian Pommergaard, Jakob Burcharth, Anders Fischer, William Thomas
and Professor Rosenberg have told the New Zealand Medical Journal the
holding back option may seem "alluring'' but there are drawbacks.
"Alluring" is not the word I'd have picked. Maybe "painful" or "excruciating"?
Stress, discomfort, pain, bloating, dyspepsia and other symptoms
could ensue, while not discounting the chance that all the effort may be
sabotaged by turbulence in any case.
CAPTAIN: Please be advised that we are encountering some turbulence.
EVERYONE ON PLANE: <releases pent-up farts>
"There is actually only one reasonable solution ... just let it go,'' the medicos say.
They warn of consequences in the cockpit.
the pilot restrains a fart, all the drawbacks previously mentioned,
including diminished concentration, may affect his abilities to control
the airplane,'' the researchers say.
"If he lets go of the fart his co-pilot may be affected by its odour, which again reduces safety on board the flight.''
Yes, smelling a fart is in fact a serious safety concern on planes now. Can't wait til the TSA gets involved.
specialists did not recommend setting farts alight, either on land or
in a plane, despite its proven ability to reduce odour.
Were people previously trying to do this on planes? Everyone knows the best method is to shift blame to others by peering around in an obvious manner after you fart, to make it seem like you're trying to find the real culprit. Also acceptable: asking if someone just stepped on a duck.
They reluctantly dismissed the notion of rubber pants with an attached air container for collecting gas as "somewhat extreme''.
I'd hate to see the options that were deemed "way too extreme", given that the "somewhat extreme" option already sounds like some sort of bizarre BDSM equipment.
But they reckon putting active charcoal in passenger seats is a winner of an idea that could be backed up with special undies.
Pre-flight passenger methane breath tests and reducing fibre in airline food options were also considered.