Instead of dog, pet was ferret. Would not purchase again.

Having pets is pretty great.  I'm not too into buying expensive breeds of dogs or cats or miniature pigs or what have you, but to each their own.  However, if you do plan to buy a purebred dog of some sort, I'd advise you to make sure that it is actually a dog of any sort and not, for example, a ferret.

Yes, people do in fact buy ferrets, thinking that they are dogs.  Just as a brief refresher course, here's what a dog looks like:

Here is what a ferret, which is clearly not a dog, looks like:

Again, dog:

Ferret:

This has been your Monday PSA.

Why yes, that IS a thing I want

Step 1: Put on mask

Basic household tasks are effing impossible

Of note is that the normal reaction to any slight difficulty is to scream loudly at whatever you're holding in your hands. 

Chinese criminal mastermind would fit right in in Florida

Source: Shortlist

In which we discover that juggling and Rubik's Cubes can be cool

The craziest thing is that he doesn't even look like he's trying.  I have to make my stupid tongue-sticking-out focused face when I want to type with two hands at the same time, and he just kinda laughs his way through jugglesolving a Rubik's Cube.

When rescuing stray cats, one should ensure that one is not in fact rescuing a wild bobcat

A Maine woman yesterday struck a cat with her car, and decided to put the cat in her car and seek medical assistance.  Ordinarily, this would be admirable; however, the animal she picked up looked like this:

I don't know how to caption a photo of this magnitude

She had in fact rescued a wild bobcat, which regained consciousness in her car and naturally freaked out.  The police were able to assist, and the police chief later gave some simple recommendations to those who might be wondering whether it's easy to tell a bobcat from a house cat:

But does a bobcat look sort of like an oversized house cat?

“That would be a really big house cat,” he said. “Most cats have long tails, and a bobcat does not. They have short, stubby tails. Also, their appearance is an indicator. They look like they are built to live in the wilderness.”

This does not look like a friendly kitty.

Edwards emphasized the danger of approaching a wild animal in his police report.

“Although this seems amusing,” he wrote, “one should always be careful handling injured animals and call local animal control officer or game wardens when in doubt.”

To summarize, here is a helpful guide for interacting with felines in the wild:

If you find one of these, it's okay to save it.

If it looks more like this, seek professional assistance.  Do not put it in your car.

John Schnatter and Mitt Romney really get America

Rather than quietly raise the price of his goods like every merchant since forever has done, Papa John Schnatter has decided to publicly declare that because of Obamacare, his pizzas will now cost between 11 and 14 cents more apiece.

Fourteen cents?  How will I afford pizza and clothes?  Fine, I'll forgo pants.

Perhaps more significantly, he's also going to cut part-time employee hours to avoid having to insure them under the new law.  It's confusing why all of this is necessary, because according to Forbes a price raise of about 4 cents a pizza would cover the entire $5-8 million that the Papa says he'll be losing, without needing to cut hours.  The other reason that this is a little odd:

As someone who has eaten Papa John's pizza, I can confirm that the toilet-seat shaped driveway is appropriate.

That would be Padre John's place of residence, covering 40,000 square feet with a golf course, pool, lake, 22-car underground garage, and what I can only speculate is an underground network of tunnels like that wizard bank in Harry Potter, because why the fuck not.  I have trouble telling whether a particular really huge mansion is impressive compared to other really huge mansions, so it was fortunate that Mitt "some of my best friends own NFL franchises" Romney weighed in to tell us how great Johnny Boy's place really is:

Who would’ve imagined pizza could build this? This is really something. Don’t you love this country? What a home this is, what grounds these are, the pool, the golf course...This is a real tribute to America, to entrepreneurship.

America!  What, do some of you people not even have lakes on your property?

Anyway, I get that there are all kinds of considerations that go into a decision like this, and I know absolutely zero about running a giant pizza company, so maybe other people should be consulted and all that.

"We'll have every pizza, every day, cost $9.99.  No, this isn't related to Obamacare, it's just a good idea."

What I don't get is why make this so public, other than to show everyone that you can throw the biggest hissy fit about Obama's re-election?  Papa John's is now being threatened by boycotts and some very angry young people on Facebook.  Papa John's stock has dropped in value by 4.2% over the past few days, so if these actions were taken in the name of helping Papa John's shareholders, they aren't really working.  All that this is accomplishing is pissing off a lot of people and making Papa and the brand look bad, just so he can publicly air out his political disagreements.  There's no way that ends well for them-

I never thought "supporting gay rights" and "liking chicken" would be diametrically opposed political views

Ah.  Yeah.  Maybe the Papa is just a secret genius.